Let’s first put this into my definition as the phrase spiritual blockage may vary per the individual. For myself it often coincides with wellness and many more aspects in my life than just the spiritual. To define this simply though it is to feel disconnected from the magical world.
We know in the magical world that everything is connected and it often only takes one thing being unbalanced to experience a domino effect. While at times it may feel frustrating,I don’t fight these times as I believe there are a lot of lessons to be learned in this state.
I guess I will tell my own story and maybe you will relate to some of this, maybe not. I think stories are important and it’s so easy to feel alone when we stop sharing.
As the entire world knows, we have been living in a global pandemic for the past 9 months. While it has had a huge impact, one of the biggest impacts for me is that my kids came home a week early for spring break and never went back to in person learning. It’s been a blessing and challenge all at once.
While I have always known I was really sensitive to energy, summer breaks always came with some challenges, I didn’t have a playbook for 9 months of this. No one did. I had created a magical tool belt and many ways to energetically cleanse my home, but it wasn’t built to sustain 9 months of always having people in my home, all hours of the day. All the magic and wellness in the world just didn’t cut it.
While I desperately tried to create routines, there always seemed to be something new thrown at me within weeks. My anxiety became near the highest it has ever been on a regular basis.
So we have a pandemic, politics, weather trouble, and riots all happening at once and for myself some toxic family that thankfully I don’t have to deal with. I also lost family members this year, I am relatively young, so these were some firsts for me.
The end result of all of this…imbalance. Blocked in many ways, scared, and unable to connect with the spiritual world. Due to my sensitivity to energy, I have really needed to embrace my inner hermit. I know that I have always lived in some state of imbalance and this would be imbalance to an extreme if I had to try to differentiate.
When does enough become enough?
I don’t know about others, but for me, I’ve identified this numbness and know it isn’t healthy for me. It is manifesting in weight gain, lack of movement, cleaning just to make my home tolerable, challenges to produce healthy and home cooked meals. An inability to engage in magical communities I once loved, not using my tarot, and not embracing ritual or cycles of the moon. Most importantly, I’ve lost my routines.
All in all, I realize that maybe I sound textbook depressed, which I can confidently say I am not. I am definitely imbalanced and to an extent that I am not really used to.
Now that I have identified it, put words behind,what is next? I think a combination of acceptance and action are what is likely the most healthy way to move forward. I know the magic of routine, baby steps, and ditching perfectionism mentality. I also need to be more visible and find better ways to cope with energy that I can’t control.
I can’t say how you get here if you are going through kind of the same motions, but for me something about the great conjunction impacted me. I wasn’t really excited for Yule or really paying attention to astrology at all, but I noticed that I started having more energy this past week. I started reading more often, leaving my house more to get things done, and I feel my love of learning awaking. I found myself playing music in my car that made me feel like a me I had forgotten. I went digging in magical communities and found a suggestion that you would feel the impact of the great conjunction in the house that Aquarius rules in your birth chart and finally there was a spark. Aquarius is in my 9th house which is associated with Jupiter and Sagittarius…the great conjunction involves Jupiter and my sun sign happens to be Sagittarius. So I guess if anything was going to signal the start to an end of my spiritual blockage, it would certainly be written into the stars, astrology has a funny way of working like that.
So from here, I am going to just do my best to start getting back to my magical routines. Maybe just start holding my tarot cards, shuffling them, until I feel called to use them again. I know to truly move forward I have to get magically right with both my house and body, my temples are a hot mess.
I suspect I am not alone in what I am experiencing. For a while it didn’t really bother me, I just went into survival mode. Eventually I started feeling lost, occasionally talking with my husband about what I was experiencing, until things were so bad a few weeks ago that I jokingly said I wasn’t really a witch anymore and didn’t know what to make of it. In that moment I knew I didn’t really mean what I was saying, but I knew something was wrong, but also intuitively knew things had to work themselves out in their own time.
There have been some really amazing things over the past 9 months, lessons learned, but this writing is about how I was blocked and that I really think I am moving beyond that blockage. Maybe my next blog will focus on some really amazing lessons and insight this time has provided because balance! I don’t know if I can blame my sudden awakening on the Solstice or if it is just mere coincidence, but I’m hopeful. I can feel big things coming my way and I know it is not the ending of our manmade calendar coming as I have never put too much stock into that.
I celebrated Yule and Christmas with my family this whole week, it has been wonderful and it’s snowing outside as I type this. I hope no matter what you celebrate during this turn of the wheel that you are happy, healthy, and safe!